Feel Shit

I really feel shit today. There's no point even playing poker as i am tilted already and don't know why so will only moan at useless french wankers and get banned from chat on boss (am already banned on pokerstars today)

I cant win at poker, got no job or money, no girlfriend, all my mates have moved on a bit and have houses and partners and babies so i've started thinking about whether i can be bothered with everything anymore.

Whats the point in just being fuck miserable and bored everyday. Even if I get this job in at Aviva i'll fucking hate it. I can't even meet women properly because to be honest, i'm not that bothered as the person I should be with has already fucked off. I would quite happily go back to jail for putting her new boyfriends head through the nearest window and would do this if I ever saw him (unlikely as they live in Melbourne, although i think about an hour everyday of flying over there) so thats all shit. The reason I got in the bother with drugs anyway was because I hated my life after she left, so now I'm off the drugs I just hate my fucking life again.

There's no light really at the end of the tunnel. Everyone keeps saying it'll be alright when my curfew ends in March, but what the fuck difference will it make? Everything will still be shit but i'll be allowed out later. The fucking funy thing is is that i've given up smoking, it's like I pile all the misery on myself..

Well it's now 18.17 so i have 58 minutes before the curfew starts and i've got fuck all to do so i think i might just do fuck all like i do every night.

Whats the point

EDIT - First hand in a tourney get dealt J10 of clubs. Flop comes Qd 8D 9H and i fucking lose the hand to a full house when and A comes on the turn and river. Don't know why i'm bothering to play anymore, 635 chips and i just want to ram them down someones throat.